I just found out Heath Ledger died yesterday.

I'm reeling; I liked and respected the guy.

The strange thing is how much it shocks me. I didn't know him personally, I didn't know his demons. People die everyday, and I don't know them either, but somehow it doesn't affect me the same way. Such is the nature of celebrity - a small percentage of people who carry the admiration and values of millions. They are our role models and moral compasses - they are not supposed to die, be sick or angry. They aren't supposed to have drug problems, emotional problems, mental problems, problems with the law. They are supposed to embody the perfection that the Western world blindly, desperately believes in. It's okay if we don't live up to our full potential, it's okay that we don't have the perfect life, because someone does. So when a person I look up to, respect, and admire dies, so does some of my reality. I don't know what the real world is. I don't believe anybody does. Who knows, it might be glorious and peaceful, if people truly have unlimited potential. But what if they don't? What if the greed and ignorance that consumes us is it? What if the world is a horrible place, where even the most revered among us cannot attain the dream?

So I don't want to know the truth of human existence. At least not yet. I'm terrified to find out, and that is a reason I mourn Heath Ledger.