Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
A Complete Guide to the Diagnosis of Sleep Deprivation
1. Subject exhibits a sense of detached euphoria, and may or may not jitter like she has Parkinson's.
2. Subject will unconsciously and furiously clench jaw, often to the point of pain.
3. Subject's extremities, particularly the feet, are cold and sore with reduced capillary reflex.
4. Subject appears to be smuggling large game animals in the bags under her eyes.
Symptoms brought about by the "all-nighter" phenomenon, which is in turn caused by chronic poor judgement and inadequate time management skills. Subject will likely demonstrate a propensity to avoid work through purposeful distraction, overcome only by approaching dawn and deadline.
Treatment as follows:
Sit.
Write.
Write more.
Eat.
Sleep.
Edit.
Write.
Edit.
Edit.
Never take more than 2 doses daily - treatment is to be spread out in the weeks approaching trigger events.
Should treatment fail, beat subject around the head with a big stick.
2. Subject will unconsciously and furiously clench jaw, often to the point of pain.
3. Subject's extremities, particularly the feet, are cold and sore with reduced capillary reflex.
4. Subject appears to be smuggling large game animals in the bags under her eyes.
Symptoms brought about by the "all-nighter" phenomenon, which is in turn caused by chronic poor judgement and inadequate time management skills. Subject will likely demonstrate a propensity to avoid work through purposeful distraction, overcome only by approaching dawn and deadline.
Treatment as follows:
Sit.
Write.
Write more.
Eat.
Sleep.
Edit.
Write.
Edit.
Edit.
Never take more than 2 doses daily - treatment is to be spread out in the weeks approaching trigger events.
Should treatment fail, beat subject around the head with a big stick.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Yesterday
For most of my life I severely and drastically misunderstood the lyrics of the Beatles' song "Yesterday". You know the part where Paul says "Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday"? Well, instead of the correct interpretation, where he says something wrong, I thought he meant he said "something wrong?" and she left him in a passive-aggressive fit of pique, because surely he should already know what was wrong. My version of this song seemed to speak deeply on the troubles of man/woman interaction, how signals are missed to tragic consequence, and how love is a great mystery. Imagine my humiliation when, like a bolt out of the blue, it occurred to me one day that I was making all that up.
Well, at least it wasn't like the first time I tried to sing Blinded by the Light.
And for another peek into the inner workings of my frail and mysterious psyche:
Yesterday night, when I was trying to get to sleep, I had one of those bizarre rage episodes. You know the ones, where you are half asleep but still beyond livid with something, filled with a consuming rage that makes it impossible to function? (Please say you know what I'm talking about, or at least nod soothingly.) This one was centred around a waking dream where there were too many pillows on my bed. Seriously, that's it. I just hated those GODDAMN FRAKKING PILLOWS JUST DIE ALREADY WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STUPID PILLOWS?
I, of course, eventually calmed when I woke enough to realise that I was sharing a bed with just the regular amount, and they were not conspiring to suffocate me.
I'd say it was brought on by being doped up on flu meds, but I don't have any. (In the house, I mean. But right now I'd kill for some. Damn you, bronchitis or whatever!)
Goodnight, my wonderfuls, and may your dreams be happy and pillow-free.
Well, at least it wasn't like the first time I tried to sing Blinded by the Light.
And for another peek into the inner workings of my frail and mysterious psyche:
Yesterday night, when I was trying to get to sleep, I had one of those bizarre rage episodes. You know the ones, where you are half asleep but still beyond livid with something, filled with a consuming rage that makes it impossible to function? (Please say you know what I'm talking about, or at least nod soothingly.) This one was centred around a waking dream where there were too many pillows on my bed. Seriously, that's it. I just hated those GODDAMN FRAKKING PILLOWS JUST DIE ALREADY WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STUPID PILLOWS?
I, of course, eventually calmed when I woke enough to realise that I was sharing a bed with just the regular amount, and they were not conspiring to suffocate me.
I'd say it was brought on by being doped up on flu meds, but I don't have any. (In the house, I mean. But right now I'd kill for some. Damn you, bronchitis or whatever!)
Goodnight, my wonderfuls, and may your dreams be happy and pillow-free.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The great big oops, or What I did on my Summer Vacation
For the past couple weeks, I've been vacationing on the lovely Vancouver Island, visiting my grandparents. Fun was had, sticks tossed in the ocean, minimal money spent (it's a good thing to vacation with your parents, because they will buy your meals.) Partway through, however, my computer decided that it had had enough of its thankless life, and gave up. In the fixing process, once I returned home, I lost everything I had saved. Not a big deal, really, but I have now learned the importance of backing up. I am now re-writing my short story, which is a good thing as it's rekindled my interest and thus enabled me to see why I was having trouble with the last draft. So in lieu of that, here is an anecdote from my time away.
My grandparents have several screen doors, one of which opens on the pool patio. My sibs and I were preparing for a swim, and the dog was outside. I looked up, for no particular reason, and saw that the dog had his ball in his mouth, and was eagerly dashing for the door to show us. As I'm sure you can guess, he did not notice the screen. With the sound of a gunshot, he collided at top speed (and he is a big dog). The entire door popped off its tracks, and the dog disappeared upstairs, tail between his legs. We put the frame on, no problem, and I went up after him. I found him curled up in a corner, and I tell you it's impossible to anthropomorphise, because he was clearly extremely embarrassed. He didn't look at me, or wag his tail, or anything. A few treats coaxed him out of his funk, but he still wouldn't come downstairs and was very wary of doors. This inspired much babytalk on my part, along the lines of "Aww, who's a silly puppy? You're soooo embarrassed, aren't you. Poor doggy dog. You were so happy with your ball and now you are so sad, awww."
Not five minutes later, on her way out to the pool, guess who walked straight into the exact same door and unhinged it again? That's right, yours truly.
At least the dog felt better after he saw that.
My grandparents have several screen doors, one of which opens on the pool patio. My sibs and I were preparing for a swim, and the dog was outside. I looked up, for no particular reason, and saw that the dog had his ball in his mouth, and was eagerly dashing for the door to show us. As I'm sure you can guess, he did not notice the screen. With the sound of a gunshot, he collided at top speed (and he is a big dog). The entire door popped off its tracks, and the dog disappeared upstairs, tail between his legs. We put the frame on, no problem, and I went up after him. I found him curled up in a corner, and I tell you it's impossible to anthropomorphise, because he was clearly extremely embarrassed. He didn't look at me, or wag his tail, or anything. A few treats coaxed him out of his funk, but he still wouldn't come downstairs and was very wary of doors. This inspired much babytalk on my part, along the lines of "Aww, who's a silly puppy? You're soooo embarrassed, aren't you. Poor doggy dog. You were so happy with your ball and now you are so sad, awww."
Not five minutes later, on her way out to the pool, guess who walked straight into the exact same door and unhinged it again? That's right, yours truly.
At least the dog felt better after he saw that.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Slipped the leash.
So my story that I've been not shutting up about is now about 2000 words, and will likely exceed 3000 when it's at last finished. I am plugging away regularly though, and I hope to have it up within a week.
A note on tv (again): There is a show called True Blood, you may have heard about it. It sounds like something I should like, so I occasionally try and keep up with it. Lots of swearing, people lying to each other, nudity, blood. (Wow, and now it sounds like I just listed the things I like. I meant fantasy, people. It's about vampires, okay?)
Anyway, as I was changing into my bike clothes and trying to remember not to put my pants on inside-out, I had a thought. True Blood- a pretty badass name, no? But blood is literally the only bodily fluid that is badass. True Bile? Vomit. True Spit? No. True Tears? Sounds like a barrel of laughs. True Pee? A fetish film. Maybe it is already. It would take a braver soul than I to google it. The only thing that approaches blood's monopoly on awesome is sweat, but True Sweat seems more suited to a reality show about bodybuilders on Spike tv, which is only badass until you realise that most bodybuilders are very strange people who have life goals amounting to walking on a stage, to music, in a speedo, in order for someone to pat them on the back, give them a sack of money, and say "Congratulations. You have the scariest veins ever. Please wash off that fake tan the instant you get back home?"
More blogging anon.
A note on tv (again): There is a show called True Blood, you may have heard about it. It sounds like something I should like, so I occasionally try and keep up with it. Lots of swearing, people lying to each other, nudity, blood. (Wow, and now it sounds like I just listed the things I like. I meant fantasy, people. It's about vampires, okay?)
Anyway, as I was changing into my bike clothes and trying to remember not to put my pants on inside-out, I had a thought. True Blood- a pretty badass name, no? But blood is literally the only bodily fluid that is badass. True Bile? Vomit. True Spit? No. True Tears? Sounds like a barrel of laughs. True Pee? A fetish film. Maybe it is already. It would take a braver soul than I to google it. The only thing that approaches blood's monopoly on awesome is sweat, but True Sweat seems more suited to a reality show about bodybuilders on Spike tv, which is only badass until you realise that most bodybuilders are very strange people who have life goals amounting to walking on a stage, to music, in a speedo, in order for someone to pat them on the back, give them a sack of money, and say "Congratulations. You have the scariest veins ever. Please wash off that fake tan the instant you get back home?"
More blogging anon.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
So no story yesterday (or today, for that matter.) Turns out I was way off in my length estimations, haha. And going to the game instead of writing wasn't helpful. (Worth it though - they won big.)
The other day when I mentioned to mother that maybe I'd like to submit a short story to a magazine one day, she scoffed. An actual scoff. There is a lot of motivation right there, if only in the form of show-up-itude.
The other day when I mentioned to mother that maybe I'd like to submit a short story to a magazine one day, she scoffed. An actual scoff. There is a lot of motivation right there, if only in the form of show-up-itude.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A Public Service Announcement.
A short post today, as I still have 500+ words to crank out before I feel satisfied enough to sleep, and boy do I need sleep.
Despite my oft-repeated and clearly accurate statement that I should be in charge of tv, I really don't watch that much of it. There are a few shows that are articulate, thoughtful, well acted, and all around good quality, but most of them fail to hold my interest. This is a fault of mine, not these shows. The rest of tv panders to either the lowest common denominator, or at least the second lowest. Whenever I say this, I always feel very superior and pretentious, but I DO NOT like these sorts of shows. And clearly someone does, because they are often the shows that do well enough to linger, while the truly unique shows (The Unusuals, Wonderfalls, to name some off the top of my head) never do well, particularly on mainstream prime time. Some of the shows I dislike, in case you were wondering, include Ghost Whisperer, CSI, 99% of reality programming and talent shows, and South Park.
On to the point of this diatribe; I have discovered a show that not only do I enjoy, but I make sure I see every single episode, some more than once (praise the DVR!) That show, dear friends, is Nurse Jackie.
I hear your objections already:
Wait, what is this? I've never heard of it!
Puh-lease, another show about a medical professional addicted to painkillers?
Puh-lease, another show about medical professionals?
But I don't really like Edie Falco...
Ok, a) It's a show about a nurse. Named Jackie. And her friends and patients and husband and children and boyfriend and crippling back pain.
b) She could stop if she wanted too! Shut up!
c) Well, SOMETHING had to take the place of ER. It left a void (admittedly the void was there several years before they finally pulled the plug, but I digress.)
d) You are a crazy person. Watch it and have your mind broadened.
These clips will conclude my (hopefully convincing) recommendation:
Despite my oft-repeated and clearly accurate statement that I should be in charge of tv, I really don't watch that much of it. There are a few shows that are articulate, thoughtful, well acted, and all around good quality, but most of them fail to hold my interest. This is a fault of mine, not these shows. The rest of tv panders to either the lowest common denominator, or at least the second lowest. Whenever I say this, I always feel very superior and pretentious, but I DO NOT like these sorts of shows. And clearly someone does, because they are often the shows that do well enough to linger, while the truly unique shows (The Unusuals, Wonderfalls, to name some off the top of my head) never do well, particularly on mainstream prime time. Some of the shows I dislike, in case you were wondering, include Ghost Whisperer, CSI, 99% of reality programming and talent shows, and South Park.
On to the point of this diatribe; I have discovered a show that not only do I enjoy, but I make sure I see every single episode, some more than once (praise the DVR!) That show, dear friends, is Nurse Jackie.
I hear your objections already:
Wait, what is this? I've never heard of it!
Puh-lease, another show about a medical professional addicted to painkillers?
Puh-lease, another show about medical professionals?
But I don't really like Edie Falco...
Ok, a) It's a show about a nurse. Named Jackie. And her friends and patients and husband and children and boyfriend and crippling back pain.
b) She could stop if she wanted too! Shut up!
c) Well, SOMETHING had to take the place of ER. It left a void (admittedly the void was there several years before they finally pulled the plug, but I digress.)
d) You are a crazy person. Watch it and have your mind broadened.
These clips will conclude my (hopefully convincing) recommendation:
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A sheepish hi.
March? Really, March? I amaze myself sometimes.
So I'm not sure if I actually have anything worth blogging, or perhaps I am just out of practice and really there is a cornucopia of magical and amusing anecdotes to tell you and I just need to access them. I dunno.
As far back as my memory goes, that is to say lunchtime, nothing particularly wonderful has happened. Today.
I have finally devised a life plan though.
I know, right? Me, actually deciding for once what I want to do with my life? Redonk!
It is, of course, not the most practical of life plans, but I have never been the most practical of people, certainly in terms of goal setting/attaining. (See last post.)
The idea is to become an actor/writer, failing that just a writer, and while I wait for my fingers to crank out the next great Canadian novel, working in the publishing industry. I don't know yet in what capacity, but I expect I'll have a few gruelling years as an intern to figure that out.
And since writers write, I have actually made a go of this. I've been slowly plugging away at what I hope will turn out to be a full length novel. While I am doing this, I figure I'd take a page from Liam's book and write short stories to put on this blog. a), it'll give you people something to read, and b) it'll give my somewhere to channel energy and practice when I'm feeling blocked on my book.
A caveat -
I am ridiculously insecure about my writing. This is a major part of why I haven't written in the past, as this is perhaps the one realm of my life in which I am irritatingly perfectionist. My worries (concerning fiction, anyway) is that it will be singularly uninteresting and lacking any sort of engaging conflict. That being said, I'm not looking for reassurances, but rather critiques and criticisms and HONESTY from you guys. That may seem counter-intuitive on the surface, but I think it will help me grow as a writer. The opinions of people you trust can be a damn powerful motivating tool.
I've got a story on the drawing (writing?) board right now, expect it Thursday or Friday.
And now I bid you adieu. I must brush my teeth and kick a snoring dog off my bed.
So I'm not sure if I actually have anything worth blogging, or perhaps I am just out of practice and really there is a cornucopia of magical and amusing anecdotes to tell you and I just need to access them. I dunno.
As far back as my memory goes, that is to say lunchtime, nothing particularly wonderful has happened. Today.
I have finally devised a life plan though.
I know, right? Me, actually deciding for once what I want to do with my life? Redonk!
It is, of course, not the most practical of life plans, but I have never been the most practical of people, certainly in terms of goal setting/attaining. (See last post.)
The idea is to become an actor/writer, failing that just a writer, and while I wait for my fingers to crank out the next great Canadian novel, working in the publishing industry. I don't know yet in what capacity, but I expect I'll have a few gruelling years as an intern to figure that out.
And since writers write, I have actually made a go of this. I've been slowly plugging away at what I hope will turn out to be a full length novel. While I am doing this, I figure I'd take a page from Liam's book and write short stories to put on this blog. a), it'll give you people something to read, and b) it'll give my somewhere to channel energy and practice when I'm feeling blocked on my book.
A caveat -
I am ridiculously insecure about my writing. This is a major part of why I haven't written in the past, as this is perhaps the one realm of my life in which I am irritatingly perfectionist. My worries (concerning fiction, anyway) is that it will be singularly uninteresting and lacking any sort of engaging conflict. That being said, I'm not looking for reassurances, but rather critiques and criticisms and HONESTY from you guys. That may seem counter-intuitive on the surface, but I think it will help me grow as a writer. The opinions of people you trust can be a damn powerful motivating tool.
I've got a story on the drawing (writing?) board right now, expect it Thursday or Friday.
And now I bid you adieu. I must brush my teeth and kick a snoring dog off my bed.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Operation: Reinvention
As a part of my plan to fill my days with something other than nothing, I've decided to add a physical component to self-improvement. Do some hardware changes in addition to the software, yanno? It's a really intelligent time to start, too: term paper season. I like to make it easier for myself whenever I can.
I'm sure some of you recall my past fitness resolutions and how I promptly stop mentioning them a couple weeks after I make them. Rest assured, it's not because I was saving you from having to read about the meaningless minutiae of my life, but rather because I didn't actually stick to them. It attempts to combat this problem, I have turned to the Internet, and discovered two programs to begin: The Couch to 5K Running Plan and The Hundred Push Ups Training Program. In both, I am at level 0. I've decided to remove the day-offs from the running plan, and instead take a break every 3 days instead. Time will tell how this pays off. I also cannot do enough good form pushups to begin the other one, so I'm gonna have to train in order to be able to train. Being weak sucks.
Once I have completed these programs, school will be over and I'll be back at home, where I will begin actually using equipment. Yes, the blowflex. I think I'll also continue running, and bring the dog, but it depends where I'm working and how intense the bike ride will be. Once the pushups are done, I'm planning to start working on The Prison Workout in addition to bowflexing, running and biking.
Ambitious, no?
I have always wanted to be physically strong, and since my little brothers have become stronger than me, which of course they weren't for the majority of my life, this desire has grown. I envy the complete control strong people have over their bodies, and showing up my brothers is of course a nice bonus. It's time to stop wondering when a genie is going to come along and grant my wish (yes, this was my actual plan) and start doing something about it.
If any of you want to long distance workout with me, that'd be cool. I think you should definitely torture yourselves to motivate me and provide moral support.
Pictures from my Camera
These are Roman ruins on a mountaintop in Turkey. Seriously, the top. of a mountain. There was an amphitheatre and everything.
Dogs escaping the midday heat on nice cool marble right outside the doors of the Athens Museum.
The famous Blue Mosque in Istanbul. A really cool place, but ladies bring your headscarves is you want to look inside (and you do).
I'm sure some of you recall my past fitness resolutions and how I promptly stop mentioning them a couple weeks after I make them. Rest assured, it's not because I was saving you from having to read about the meaningless minutiae of my life, but rather because I didn't actually stick to them. It attempts to combat this problem, I have turned to the Internet, and discovered two programs to begin: The Couch to 5K Running Plan and The Hundred Push Ups Training Program. In both, I am at level 0. I've decided to remove the day-offs from the running plan, and instead take a break every 3 days instead. Time will tell how this pays off. I also cannot do enough good form pushups to begin the other one, so I'm gonna have to train in order to be able to train. Being weak sucks.
Once I have completed these programs, school will be over and I'll be back at home, where I will begin actually using equipment. Yes, the blowflex. I think I'll also continue running, and bring the dog, but it depends where I'm working and how intense the bike ride will be. Once the pushups are done, I'm planning to start working on The Prison Workout in addition to bowflexing, running and biking.
Ambitious, no?
I have always wanted to be physically strong, and since my little brothers have become stronger than me, which of course they weren't for the majority of my life, this desire has grown. I envy the complete control strong people have over their bodies, and showing up my brothers is of course a nice bonus. It's time to stop wondering when a genie is going to come along and grant my wish (yes, this was my actual plan) and start doing something about it.
If any of you want to long distance workout with me, that'd be cool. I think you should definitely torture yourselves to motivate me and provide moral support.
Pictures from my Camera
These are Roman ruins on a mountaintop in Turkey. Seriously, the top. of a mountain. There was an amphitheatre and everything.
Dogs escaping the midday heat on nice cool marble right outside the doors of the Athens Museum.
The famous Blue Mosque in Istanbul. A really cool place, but ladies bring your headscarves is you want to look inside (and you do).
Friday, March 20, 2009
The witty title is the hardest part.
Hey guys! For fun, I was going to give you a list of the things I do in my week. Then I realised that it's not funny-pathetic, it's pathetic-pathetic, and decided not to. True story.
Another thing that is pathetic is that I signed up for a visitor counting service for this blog, because I have long laboured under the hope (false, as it turns out) that I have a hoard of lurking fans who constantly check to see if I've updated.
Since I signed up, the visitors to my blog have been exactly 0.
Why doesn't the universe worship me and fulfill my every whim like I want it too?
(Bitch bitch bitch)
Pictures from my Camera
As promised, my house. This is the kitchen. Yeah, the entire place is either really hard to photograph, or I suck. It's 50/50.
These are the stairs and the door. And my shoes.
Another angle of the kitchen! Now there is a table covered in 50 lbs of old newspaper.
The living/tv room. And also the dog. And porch.
The bathroom, as you can see, is complete with toilet paper and soap, left by the previous tenant.
I would show you the bedrooms, but at the point I took pictures, they are completely empty and very boring.
Another thing that is pathetic is that I signed up for a visitor counting service for this blog, because I have long laboured under the hope (false, as it turns out) that I have a hoard of lurking fans who constantly check to see if I've updated.
Since I signed up, the visitors to my blog have been exactly 0.
Why doesn't the universe worship me and fulfill my every whim like I want it too?
(Bitch bitch bitch)
Pictures from my Camera
As promised, my house. This is the kitchen. Yeah, the entire place is either really hard to photograph, or I suck. It's 50/50.
These are the stairs and the door. And my shoes.
Another angle of the kitchen! Now there is a table covered in 50 lbs of old newspaper.
The living/tv room. And also the dog. And porch.
The bathroom, as you can see, is complete with toilet paper and soap, left by the previous tenant.
I would show you the bedrooms, but at the point I took pictures, they are completely empty and very boring.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
My mouth tastes like old coffee and battery acid.
So I'm pretty sure some of you have noticed and been irritated by the complete dearth of blog posts lately. This is due to several factors, foremost among them being the horrendous case of academic writer's block I seem to be suffering, and when I can't do assignments it doesn't really feel fair to blog or draw. Which sucks. So I am making a determined effort to get me life more organised, my house clean, and attempt to do something creative every day so I can turn my brain back to ON.
I have discovered the cord to my camera, so now I can show you guys pictures! I won't be able to give you current ones, and my camera is brain damaged or something, but I've got a couple hundred (mostly from vacation and of dog) that should keep me occupied for a bit. Youve got that right, this means a new segment! (I need to make a list, and at some point I'll start tagging stuff.)
Pictures from My Camera! (Click to embiggen)
This is Riker being a milkmaid or something.
These are the gates at Buckingham Palace. I also saw some corgis on the grounds, but I wasn't quick enough on the draw.
And this is the mighty Acropolis. It may even be the Parthenon, but I need to refresh my Ancient Greek architecture. (Shameful that I don't know.) I'm pretty sure it is, cause you can kinda see some scaffolding. They were restoring it.
Next time: Pictures of my new house.
I have discovered the cord to my camera, so now I can show you guys pictures! I won't be able to give you current ones, and my camera is brain damaged or something, but I've got a couple hundred (mostly from vacation and of dog) that should keep me occupied for a bit. Youve got that right, this means a new segment! (I need to make a list, and at some point I'll start tagging stuff.)
Pictures from My Camera! (Click to embiggen)
This is Riker being a milkmaid or something.
These are the gates at Buckingham Palace. I also saw some corgis on the grounds, but I wasn't quick enough on the draw.
And this is the mighty Acropolis. It may even be the Parthenon, but I need to refresh my Ancient Greek architecture. (Shameful that I don't know.) I'm pretty sure it is, cause you can kinda see some scaffolding. They were restoring it.
Next time: Pictures of my new house.
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